Vogue Vengeance
by scarlett onyx
Summary: What happens when you mix two drugged rogues, one guard, and a psychologist with a small hankering for revenge? A whole lot of hilarity. disc:DO NOT OWN CHARACTERS


"CASH! CASH! CASH! CASH! CASH!"

Cash raised an eyebrow at the man jumping up and down before him.

Most guards would have simply ignored and/or yelled at the inmate to shut up.

Maybe even hit him.

Aaron Cash was not most guards.

"What is it, Ed?"

Edward Nygma looked up at him, huge green eyes almost frantic.

"Your collar is crooked!"

Aaron nodded, fixing it and turning to Dr. Joan Leland, who had just entered the room with a distant-looking Jonathan Crane.

"I thought you gave him some new pills for his OCD?" he said, indication the Riddler who was now completely focused on adjusting and readjusting his jumpsuit.

Joan sighed, nodding. "I did. Though it seemed to be having the opposite effect."

Cash nodded back, then pointed to Jonathan with his hook. "He ok?"

Jonathan stayed completely still, only his electric blue eyes following the path of the hook.

Joan nodded again. "He's under new medication as well, although-"

Before she could finish, however, the Scarecrow suddenly moved, walking over to Cash and gingerly taking hold of the hook, slowly running a fingertip along it with his free hand.

Perplexed, Aaron allowed it, looking back at Leland.

She shrugged. "As I was saying, it's new medicine. The supplier said that one known side-effect was an apparent fixation on random objects. In this case, your hook."

The Master of Fear's eyes had widened considerably as he examined the curved metal.

"_Shiny_…"

"Why don't you go sit down?" Joan suggested to Cash, eyeing the Scarecrow with a mixture of amusement and concern.

Aaron raised an eyebrow. "But…"

Leland smirked at her old friend.

"Relax. He just wants to hold your hand."

15 Minutes Later

It seemed that Jonathan did want to hold his hand.

And it didn't look as though he had any intentions of letting it go, either.

Cash sighed. He supposed it wasn't _so_ bad.

That is, if Eddie hadn't decided it was his sole purpose in life to remove miniscule pieces of fuzz from Aaron's hair.

And if Leland hadn't given him a comb.

And if Eddie could determine which was fuzz and which was hair.

"Ow! Hey, watch it, Ed…"

"_It's there_!" Eddie howled, glaring down at the guards' head from his perch on the arm of the battered rec-room couch. "The fuzzie! I see it! It thinks it's hiding, but _ohh_, I'll get it!" He continued muttering to himself, resuming his assault on Cash's hair.

Personally, Aaron didn't think that the alleged 'fuzzie' was 'thinking' anything, but he wasn't about to argue. An upset Eddie might not leave him with _any_ hair.

And Joan was certainly no help.

Cash shot an annoyed glare her way, but she merely smiled back, repeating what had seemed to become her mantra over the past several minutes.

"Happy patients equal a happy psychologist."

Aaron gave her a withering look, gritting his teeth as yet another hair was torn mercilessly from his head.

In this case, happy patients did _not_ equal a happy Cash.

"YES!" the Riddler shrieked, just a bit too close to Aaron's ear, "I've got it!"

With a triumphant giggle, Eddie plucked the fuzzie from the comb and presented it to Aaron like some bizarre award.

"Gee, thanks." Cash muttered, examining the microscopic piece of lint.

"You are _welcome_!" the Prince of Puzzles replied, looking enormously pleased with himself before adopting a lecturing tone.

"How did that get in there, anyway? What have you been doing? Crawling around in an air-vent? I've never seen so much…" He stopped suddenly, mouth still slightly open; bright green eyes staring at Cash.

Aaron blinked. "What?"

The Riddler's eyes slowly filled with glee as he murmured four simple words.

"You need a _makeover_."

"Wha-"

"LELAND! What do you have in your purse?"

Joan smiled, lips slowly curving upwards.

"Oh, a few things…"

"I-"

"I'm gonna make you look so _good_, right, Jon?"

"_Shiny_…"

Cash shook his head rapidly. "Joan! This is payback for Poker Night, isn't it? I beat you fair and square!"

Leland smirked back at him, dumping the contents of her purse in front of the Riddler with a flick of her wrist.

"Royal flush."

"No! No, no, no…Joan! I-hey! Ed-"

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
